The big news of the day – in Vermont, that is – is that the former news donkey, Chris Graff, now an executive with National Life (read: good at following orders), served as the moderator (and we do mean served) of a panel with five Vermont citizens who’ve been called “governors.”
Boy, oh boy, doesn’t that just sound stimulating? Not.
If fucking Nyquil has to warn its customers about drowsiness, shouldn’t the same be required of this kind of gathering? And, by “this kind of gathering,” I mean anything associated with Graff.
Goodnight moon. Goodnight Chris Graff howling at the governor’s moons.
Or, if that doesn’t work, let’s try this: Go to fucking sleep, Chris Graff.
Anything. Please. Just leave us alone and make your money on the National Life hillside.
I only needed to see bits and pieces of the “show” to know that there was one and only one important message: Be careful about too much alcohol consumption because you might end up looking like Tom Salmon the senior.
But, then again, that message went out the window after having to endure the whiney-howdy-doody-nonsense of the obviously-non-drinking Jim Douglas.
To which, the audience said: Drink, please. And fast.
And then, of course, there was Howard Dean being Howard Dean (read: rich kid still knowing that he’s a rich kid and ready and willing to take his ball and go home if you don’t treat him like one). Whatever.
The really weird part of the event was that current Vermont governor, Peter Shumlin, was also on the panel. Maybe it’s not so weird. Because – after pussy – we know Shumlin’s next love is the camera. Any camera. And now.
Shumlin gave a bizarre rant about how “the voters” are upset and confused because the people they elect never turn out to “look like them.”
Huh?
No, Peter, “the voters” are upset and confused because our elected leaders keep misunderstanding why we are upset and confused.
For the upteenth time, it goes like this: You’re a bunch of elitist, careerist, blowhards who think and act as if “the voters” don’t know that you are a bunch of elitist, careerist, blowhards.
Don’t worry, Graff didn’t go there. So the nice audiences of VPR and VPTV didn’t have to choke on their oak-barreled single-malt-scotch while tuning into the affair (read: fundraiser soon).
In the end we learned this (again): Vermont is better. Why? Because…um…because our governors will sit down with an old, soft journalist-turned-corporate-flack and talk about their good old days of propagating the mantra that…well…Vermont is better.
I love simple Vermont.
Rinse and repeat.